Jami's Story
My story begins nearly four years ago now. It was a typical warm June night at our house, with our three daughters hanging out with their friends outside in front of the house. Well, exhausted as usual, I decide to go up to bed. My husband was already sitting up on his side of the bed reading, when I ask, "what's this?” There was an envelope, neatly placed on my pillow! Upon opening that envelope began the most difficult year of my life. It contained the words of my daughter, telling me about how she had made the biggest mistake of her life, and according to a home pregnancy test, was now several weeks pregnant. Over and over and over again in the letter she apologized for "letting us down,” for "disappointing us,” and even more repetitively she BEGGED us not to make her release the baby for adoption.
My husband and I both immediately went over to her bedroom. She was laying in bed, and our middle daughter was in the room as well, crying. My husband hugged her, and she cried and once again said how sorry she was. I didn't cry -- I believe I was too shocked, but I assured her we would get through this together, but WITHOUT Tom, her boyfriend. I stated that Tom now was out of the picture. He called the house right in the middle of this scene, and at that point I poured out my wrath on him on the other end of the phone! Of course, in my mind, he had manipulated and pressured her, and had now managed to destroy her life and our family! (Looking back, I of course realize how unfair I had treated him. For a brief time, we did attempt to keep her from seeing Tom because we were convinced that with him involved, our daughter would never be able to make a clear-minded, mature decision regarding her situation. But it became quite obvious that it just wasn't possible to control the situation.)
Things were extremely rough between us for those months, entirely due to our trying to keep them apart. I realized that Julie would have to make this life-changing decision on her own, but the toughest thing, for me as a mom, was to think that this 15-year-old girl, so unacquainted with life, was going to have the wisdom and maturity to decide what's best! My own sister had gotten pregnant at 16. It was so different back then, and without question, the boy married her and they raised the baby. But I saw what she went through! In fact to this day, she still bears many scars of having to leave home so young (her husband was in the Navy and stationed in Louisiana), and to never have those years of freedom and fun that teenagers need.
Meanwhile, Julie and Tom are shopping at Wal Mart, putting bottles and baby clothes on lay-away. It just broke my heart! Here she was, just having completed her sophomore year in high school, not even able to drive a car yet, and her boyfriend was a senior in high school, and jumped from part-time job to part-time job, usually getting fired for frequent absences. My thoughts were, "These poor kids are living in a fairytale land, and have absolutely no clue what it takes, both financially and emotionally, to be solely responsible for raising a child.”
Julie did go back to school in the fall. She did have a very good pregnancy, and only had morning sickness a few times. It was painful for me when I discovered that over the months, as her pregnancy became more and more obvious, she wasn't treated so nicely at school -- mostly by boys! Just because Julie "got caught", then she is no longer their friend? I wasn't prepared for that part--I was so shocked. But she managed to hold her head up, and go back, day after day.
I took Julie to a Christian Crisis Pregnancy Center in York, where she met with a wonderful counselor named Cindy. They provided her with terrific literature to help her make a decision as to whether she would parent this child or not. She had workbooks that helped her think through different scenarios that might occur while trying to raise a baby while living at home with her parents. She also had workbooks that helped her try to work out a budget. She and I visited a daycare near our home that was just opening. She was quite blown away at the cost of that! All the while, she was very much still planning to parent this child. Through the months, I would continue to communicate with her, and every time, she would say she still felt the same way--she wanted to parent. Her dad and I would always assure her that, while we didn't think that was the best choice – she was young, she was struggling with her relationship with Tom, and our financial situation wasn’t the greatest so we wouldn’t be able to help her. All things considered, it just didn't seem like a wise choice.
Then one week, Julie told me that while at her appointment at the Crisis Pregnancy Center, they had brought over a counselor from Bethany Christian Services. She said that they just presented their ministry, but with absolutely no pressure. She really liked the counselor, and seemed impressed with the ministry. Still, her mind remained made up. Many, many people were praying for Julie.
Around the last month of her pregnancy, she did start to tutor at home for school. She went through a really rough period where she wasn't sleeping well, and I know she was crying all night, evidenced by the pile of rumpled
tissues by her bed every morning. Tom was still involved, but mostly had let her sit at home while he ran around with his friends. If he came to see her, he'd never stay long and would always have an excuse why he had to leave. I felt so badly for her.
About two weeks before her due date, she called me at work and asked if I would call Bethany Christian Services and set up an appointment! She was reconsidering her decision, and might be open to adoption! Her counselor came to the house, they talked a lot, and Julie filled out some paperwork. Then the following week, the counselor came back with three profiles of prospective adoptive couples. The counselor encouraged Julie to involve the birthfather in the decision as well. Tom came to the house that evening, and she didn't tell him which couple she had chosen. As soon as I walked in the door from work, she ran to me, all excited, "Mom! Tom picked the same couple as I did!" I knew then that this was the hand of God, leading in the situation. Tom did not stand in the way of Julie's decision. I had to drive him home that night, and on the way back to our house, Julie's water broke! It was right around her due date – just a few days late. We were at the hospital by midnight, and the next morning, I called Bethany to inform the counselor that Julie had chosen Todd and Lori, and the baby was here! She had given birth to a perfectly beautiful baby boy. She kept him in her room with her while in the hospital. She told me that this actually helped her to feel better, even though she wasn't keeping him. The day of discharge from the hospital, Todd and Lori came to meet Julie and Tom. They brought them lovely gifts, and the four of them had the most wonderful visit! Julie truly loved this couple. I hope to meet them someday myself.
I'll be honest, those first few weeks after giving birth were horribly difficult for Julie. She was very brave and strong, but she did suffer. But as time passed, it got better and better, and she little by little improved. She even returned to school for the last few weeks. No sooner did the school year end, and Tom announced that he had joined the Air Force, and would be going to Texas for basic training. He wasn't down there very long at all until their relationship ended. Julie gradually got back into a normal, teenager's life, with renewed friendships, and yes, other boyfriends. She receives beautiful pictures and letters on a monthly basis from Todd and Lori, who were so excellent about keeping in touch with her. I asked her if seeing the pictures upset her, and she explained that it didn't at all--she so looked forward to getting them, and to hearing about all of the things he was learning to do, etc. She did visit him at Bethany around his 1st birthday, and she enjoyed that a lot. She still receives updates and pictures at the time of his birthdays, and the really neat thing is that, we all are completely convinced that when he is old enough to understand, Todd and Lori will tell him all about Julie, and about how much she loves him.
I am so proud of my daughter. I know that it was through prayer that God gave her the strength and wisdom beyond her years to make such a loving, brave decision. I am completely confident that, while there will be some pain at times, she will never, ever regret her decision. At 19, she now sees how difficult it is to even pay for her car and take good care of her puppy! I, as his grandmother, am ever grateful to Todd and Lori for giving Samuel such a loving, Christian home. We just couldn't have poured ourselves into raising him in the way they have; not Julie, and not us. They are angels, in my eyes.