Words of Wisdom
"Words of wisdom" are a collection of excerpts from various friends of Bethany Christian Services including but not limited to former adoptive parents, waiting couples, birthmothers, pastors, staff, and/or waiting couples.
“With Hands Clenched Tightly”
The following excerpt is written by Jodi, a potential adoptive mother. Jodi and her husband, Steve, are an approved couple in Bethany’s domestic infant adoption program. Jodi shares her struggle to obtain God’s peace through years of battling infertility and trusting God with the deepest desire of her heart, to be a mother.
That is hard to put into words...it is almost a learned process for us. We both have been through so much in the past that we've come to realize that what He wants really is for the best. For me it is a comfort thing...I cannot do a thing about my situation so there is no need to stress over it. I love knowing that God's hand is on top of it and therefore I don't need to worry. The hardest part was letting go of it all. That is where I think going through so many trials aides in the process. You come to realize that doing a tug of war with God will only drive yourself crazy. Don't get me wrong, I have my down days. But, I know that it is ok to get angry with God and to tell Him that. He knows it anyway so why not admit it. The biggest peace for me is being able to talk to Him. One of the mistakes that I've made in the past was holding onto the anger and not talking to Him about my feelings. As soon as I verbally expressed them, I felt better. An exercise that really helps me is to sit with my hands clenched tightly facing towards me and think about the trial and all of the feelings that I have towards it. I put all of my anger and frustration into that and clench as tightly as I can. Then, gradually I turn my hands over and slowly open my fists, as if to drop all of those feelings at the cross. I can NEVER do this without crying, but at the end I feel so much better. I know that I have left all of that in the most capable hands there are, and that brings me peace.