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Birthfather Questions
Questions Most Birthfathers Ask
Are home pregnancy tests reliable? How can we find out if my girlfriend is really pregnant?
Home pregnancy tests are generally accurate, but your girlfriend should see a doctor to be sure. Your counselor can help her find appropriate medical care.
I want to be involved, but I'm not ready to parent. What are my choices?
 It is very painful to realize you are not ready to parent. If the baby's mother decides to parent and has custody, you can request visitation so you can be involved in your child's life. You and the child's mother may also consider adoption and together make a plan for your baby's future.
Will I get to see my child if my child is adopted?
You can make arrangements to visit your baby before the adoption. Both you and the birthmother may want to spend time with your child. In an open adoption, you can meet the adoptive family, write a letter to your child explaining your thoughts and feelings, and give a gift to your child. You can request that photographs of you child be sent to you. How much contact you have after the baby is placed with a family depends on your wishes and is agreed upon in advance by the birthparents and adoptive parents. Your counselor will discuss your options with you.
Will my child know anything about me?
Your counselor asks for a complete medical and social history of you and your family. It is very important that your child know as much as possible about you. We strongly urge you to tell your child about yourself through a note, a photograph, or an audio or videotape. Your life story is a great gift to your child.
If adopted, won't my child wonder if I ever loved him or her?
Your child may have questions similar to this one. That's why it's so important to communicate your love through a personal letter, explaining that planning an adoption was a painful decision for you - a real sacrifice. Every child needs to feel wanted and loved from the beginning. When you know you are not ready to parent, choosing adoption means that you care enough to give your child every opportunity possible.
What legal responsibilities will I have if my girlfriend decides to parent? What rights?
In most states, if your girlfriend chooses parenting, you are required to pay child support until the child is 18 years old. Consult with an attorney or your county Friend of the Court office to learn specific details about your rights and responsibilities, filing for paternity, and other legal issues.
Who really cares about what I think?
A professional counselor will listen to you and help you look at your options. If you and the birthmother decide that it is best for you to parent your child, your counselor can refer you to community resources that specialize in helping single parents.
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