Our Adoption Journey
Our Adoption Journey
by Susan and Mark Smith
God is so good. That’s not always been easy for me to see or believe. Early in our marriage, Mark and I experienced the loss of three children due to miscarriages. Neither of us had reason to believe that we would experience infertility. I had a hard time understanding why God would place maternal instincts and desires in me and yet deny me the opportunity to give birth to children. It was definitely a dark period of my life. With no clear answers from the doctors and no clear answer from God, I was living in a pretty hopeless state.
During this time, Mark and I talked about adoption but, when it came to actually taking steps to pursue adoption, I was scared. Maybe it was from seeing those horror stories on the evening news of children being pulled away from adoptive parents. Maybe it was thinking there was no way we could afford it. And maybe it was coming to terms with the fact that something was wrong with me and I would never be able to have a successful pregnancy.
But God is so good, despite my shortcomings. After the miscarriages and without any real explanation, Mark and I gave birth to three wonderful children. Life was wonderful and I had reconciled with God. I began to see some good that could only be seen by looking back. God gave me empathy for couples who had miscarried and I had a real burden to pray for them. I thought I now knew why God had allowed me to experience such losses.
Several years later, Mark and I agreed that we wanted more children. Once again, despite the fact that we had been there before, we were devastated when three more pregnancies ended in miscarriages. One day, while I was crying, Mark said, “I think God has closed this door for us. Maybe we should consider adoption.” It became so obvious. God had planted the seed so many years before. My fears weren’t the same as they had been. In fact, my big fear was that the wait would be incredibly long and that we would be too old to qualify to adopt.
We decided that night we would pursue a domestic adoption and see where it led us. With my stomach a ball of nerves, the next day I made a call to an agency. It wasn’t very encouraging. At that time, they had sixty-five families waiting to adopt and they only did about ten placements a year. A few days later, I happened to have a conversation with a lady at my church who had adopted a daughter through Bethany Christian Services years earlier. She encouraged me to call Bethany.
I actually went online and requested a preliminary application. It arrived in the mail the next day! In a matter of just a few days, Mark and I found ourselves sitting in the Bethany office, talking with the director about the possibility of adopting a child. We were amazed to learn that, had we applied just six months earlier, we would have been denied since we already had children. With the increase in international adoptions, a real need existed for families willing to adopt domestically. All I could think was, “Wow! This must be God’s timing.”
We spent the next month filling out paperwork for the home study. Probably the hardest part for me was coming to terms with what kind of child we wanted to adopt. Mark was ready to adopt any child, even if she was purple! In my heart, I wasn’t there yet. It seems silly now but it goes back to being scared – scared of what others might think, scared about being able to love a child that looks different from me, and even scared that I might mess up a child by bringing her into a family and community that might look different from her. Mark was very understanding and patient; he agreed that we would adopt a Caucasian girl if possible.
Before we finished the home study process, we talked with the children about the possibility of adopting a baby sister. The children had already been asking if we could adopt a baby. They knew nothing about the three miscarriages or the possibility of adoption. When we told them about the adoption process, I really believe they thought it was their idea! We discussed why babies are placed for adoption and how we felt God was asking our family to adopt a child that needed a family. The children were ecstatic. Even the boys thought another little sister would be a good thing! The children began praying every night for their baby sister, Anna.
Once the home study was complete, the wait began. The first few months were not difficult. We knew there would be a wait. After six or seven months, I began to wonder if we would ever get the call. About this time, I began to question whether I was missing God’s perfect plan for our family by limiting what kind of child I was willing to adopt. I earnestly prayed, asking God to not let me mess it up! I wanted Him to change my will to match His will for our family. Over the course of the next months, God did what I asked Him. My initial fears of adopting that child who was different began to seem silly. Even when I asked my children what they thought of us adopting a baby sister with a different skin color, they looked at me like I was crazy. It’s amazing what our children can teach us. It’s also amazing how, at the same time God was changing my heart, He was forming the heart of my daughter.
After I talked with Mark, I called the director to let her know that we wanted to be considered for any biracial baby girl that needed a family. It was then that I expected our phone to start ringing! I was convinced that we were now on the same page with God and He was going to deliver our baby. Even though I was anxious and never went anywhere without my cell phone, I never experienced such a peace waiting for anything. We would get occasional calls, asking us if we wanted to be considered for a baby, only to learn later that we weren’t chosen. That was hard, but I always knew God had a baby for us. I had to be patient and wait – not easy for a habitual worrier like me!
Four months later, we did get a call, asking if we wanted to be considered for a biracial baby girl, born just three days earlier. There were issues with locating the birth mother and issues with prenatal exposures. I told our social worker that we were not looking for the perfect baby, but God’s perfect baby for us. Mark and I both agreed to be considered for this baby. Much to our surprise, just four hours later, the birth mother had been located and we had been chosen to parent this baby. Even more surprising, we were asked to bring the child home in just two days!
That night, Mark and I kept this news to ourselves. We were in a state of shock. While we had been waiting for fifteen months, we had done little to prepare for a new baby in our home. I think it was our way of coping with the wait – no baby stuff lying around to constantly remind us of how much time was passing.
The next day was a blur. I went shopping and literally bought everything I thought I needed. It had been eight years since my last baby! Later that night, we shared the news with our children. As I pulled out our family prayer journal, we told the kids that the first item on our list – baby sister, Anna – could be marked off. We would be bringing Anna home tomorrow. Words cannot describe their excitement! Lucky for us, the video camera did! Immediately, the children wanted to call everyone they knew to share the news. We spent the rest of the night putting the crib together and getting ready for our new family member.
That next morning, Mark and I drove to the Bethany office to meet Anna’s birth mother. This was more nerve-racking for me than experiencing labor three times. What would she think of us? Would she like us? Would she change her mind? Would we say the right things? Would there be tears? We had lots of people praying for us because the meeting with the birth mother went so smoothly. Coming from that meeting, I knew what a true miracle Anna was. I also knew what a beautiful woman Anna’s birth mother was and contemplated how she must have been robbed of her hope and joy in life. That day, I began praying for Anna’s birth mother and I continue to do so. She will be forever on my heart.
A few hours later, we returned to the Bethany office to meet Anna. As we walked into the room, Anna’s interim care mother placed her in my arms immediately – even before I could lay eyes on her. The emotions I felt at that moment were identical to those I felt when the doctor placed my other three children in my arms after their births. It was immediately love at first sight. As Mark and I dressed Anna, I could not believe this precious baby was ours.
Our adoption journey has been an incredible spiritual journey as well. As I look back over the past fifteen years, I see how God had His hand in every aspect of bringing Anna into our family. God used this journey to strengthen our faith and the faith of our children. He has expanded our capacity to love immeasurably. He has affirmed our calling to be parents. He has made us a stronger family. He has given us opportunities to trust Him. And finally, He has given us His perfect baby. God is so good.