Goodness of God

The Goodness of God
By Adam and Kim

Editor’s Note: Adam and Kim are both in their twenties, which is relatively young for a couple dealing with infertility. After spending considerable time searching for a medical procedure that would address Kim’s ovarian failure-to no avail-the couple came to the conclusion that they would be content with their lives just as they were. Kim worked for Citigroup and Adam was a medical student.

That was in January 2004. Today, this extraordinary couple is the first to give birth to children through their work with Bethany Christian Services and the National Embryo Donation Center (NEDC) in Knoxville, TN. Although Sam and Katie were born prematurely at 27 weeks, they are six months old this month and are doing great!

Kim: My pregnancy was going smoothly and then one morning I woke up in hard labor, and the babies were born four hours later. When Sam was born, he had a true knot in his cord and if he hadn’t been born when he was, it might have been too late. On the way to the hospital, I prayed that God would stop this labor. “They can’t be born now!” But they had to be born then. It’s another prayer I am grateful God did not answer!

LifeLines: Why did you choose embryo adoption?

Kim: We had thought about traditional adoption, but it was my doctor who first mentioned embryo adoption.

LifeLines: Was your family supportive of the idea?

Kim: We have been really blessed by the support we have. When we first started thinking about embryo adoption, our family was together for Christmas dinner in 2003. When we talked about embryo adoption, Adam’s cousin said, “Let’s do that!”

LifeLines: Why did you choose Bethany?

Kim: Actually, it was my sister-in-law who heard about the embryo donation center through Focus on the Family, and the Center put us in touch with Bethany.

LifeLines: How did Bethany work with you?

Kim: We worked with Bethany on our family assessment and the NEDC handled the embryo transfer.

LifeLines: What was the home study process like?

Kim: At first, I was almost resentful about someone coming to our house and asking us questions. Once we went through the interviews, it was a wonderful experience. The questions we had to think and talk about made me feel more prepared to raise an adopted child. Our worker mentioned that from the beginning we need to tell our children that they are adopted embryos and not wait until they are sixteen and say, “We’ve got something to tell you.”

Adam: The questionnaire was insightful. It helped us look at questions about telling your child about their adoption questions about discipline. We answered the questions separately and then came back to see how our answers on parenting differed. Thankfully, it looked as if one person had filled out the answers. Our strategies for raising children were alike, and that was very comforting.

LifeLines: So, you were comfortable raising someone else’s child from a frozen embryo?

Kim: Because we were considering traditional adoption, embryo adoption didn’t seem that different to us. We never really struggled with the idea of raising someone else’s child. We were so familiar with infertility treatments, that the medical side of embryo adoption didn’t bother us. We’d have done IVF [in vitro fertilization] anyway.

Adam: We had done some research. Typically, there is not much difference between frozen embryos and a normal pregnancy, as far as the health of the baby is concerned.

LifeLines: How did you narrow down the profiles?

Kim: We looked at the age of the genetic mother and that narrowed down the choices.

Adam: We also looked at the age of the embryos and the stage they were in. If they allow the embryos to develop a little longer, the success of the transfer is greater.
LifeLines: Did you know the gender of the embryos before
they were implanted?

Kim: We had no idea.

LifeLines: Were there any surprises?

Kim: With the transfer procedure, there were no surprises. As far at the pregnancy went, everything was normal until 27 weeks. No one could have known beforehand about my early labor.

LifeLines: Why didn’t you use a fertility clinic?

Kim: The National Embryo Donation Center and Snowflakes are different from typical fertility clinics. Clinics have donated embryos, too, but they do not treat the embryos as children. They may thaw out more embryos than are desired by a couple, pick the “best ones,” and let the others die. NEDC and Snowflakes don’t do that. Like Bethany, they view the process as an adoption, not just a medical procedure.

LifeLines: Is your adoption open or closed?

Kim: NEDC does open and anonymous adoptions. There are advantages to both ways. It just depends on what you’re comfortable with. We preferred an anonymous adoption because that process is quicker. I don’t regret doing it anonymously, but at times I wish our children could know their genetic parents and genetic siblings.

Adam: That [open embryo adoption] would have been a very emotional process. We didn’t want that added emotion when we were going through so much at that time.

LifeLines: Were you concerned that the adoption could fall through?

Adam: Kim did ask about the possibility. Come to find out, embryo adoption is really [legally] a transfer of property, so that was comforting to know.

Kim: With domestic adoption, the mother has nine months to make her decision. With embryo adoption, the couple probably already has children they have thought about it and decided that they don’t want
more children.

LifeLines: Any final thoughts?

Kim: I am so thankful for those years of infertility. If I had been able to get pregnant on my own, we would not have had Katie and Sam. I have an appreciation for these beautiful babies that I would never have had. These children will not have a chance to live unless someone carries them.

Adam: We have seen the goodness of God through this. There is hope through embryo adoption. It opens up a whole new door for infertility. The embryos are genetically separate, living beings with the ability to grow. They are life. Katie and Sam are proof of that.

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Things to Consider When Exploring Embryo Adoption:

  • With embryo adoption, you carry and give birth to the baby.
  • With embryo adoption, you are giving life to a baby whose life is "on hold."
  • Even with an anonymous adoption, consider the number of embryos available. It may take more than one attempt for a successful pregnancy, and often not all of the thawed embryos survive.
  • Some of the medical costs associated with embryo adoption may be covered by insurance.
  • Embryo adoption costs vary and may be less expensive than some adoptions.