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This year, Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOTHER'S AND ALL MOTHER'S-TO-BE!                                 ..... although not officially on the calendar as a holiday, did you know the Saturday before Mother's Day is celebrated among the adoption community as "Birth-Mother's Day?" A "BirthMother/First Mother" is the name given to a woman who conceives and biologically gives birth to a child who is relinquished or placed for adoption. The adoption constellation involves many people (extended family, support, etc), but the triad consists of three points.  The three-points of the triad are: the child, the Adoptive Mother (or Adoptive Family) and the BirthMother (or BirthFamily), in no particular order.  Without one of these "points" the triad would not exist.  The relationship among the three sides is inter-related and inter-dependent.  All three sides of the triangle are of equal length.  All three should be celebrated equally!  Many Christians believe that as we are all God's adopted children, this adoption triad metaphor reflects the Trinity of our Father. What are some ways that we as adoptive families can honor our child's BirthMother?  Internationally adopted children with little to no information about their BirthFamily oftentimes "fantasize" about where they come from and who their BirthFamily is.  In adoptive families that openly discuss the child's birth-country, BirthParents, and birth-culture, the children as adults report having a more positive self-esteem and self-worth.  Some parents encourage their children to write a letter to their BirthMom/BirthDad on these special days or even their own birthdays.  What is most important to remember is that each child has their own feelings about their BirthParents.  As Adoptive Parents, the best we can do is provide a safe and open place for discussion. Different ways to "honor" or "celebrate" birthparents: -Light a candle on special days. -Say a prayer for them. -Make a special page in the child's Lifebook to celebrate the BirthParent(s). -Write a letter to your child's BirthParent(s) and put it aside to share with your child later. -Write a letter/make a card jointly with your child for the BirthParent(s). -Read age appropriate books together. -Talk about what the BirthParents may look like. -Celebrate unique talents that the child may have... and attribute them to the BirthParent(s). Some adoptive families may not be comfortable talking about the child's BirthFamily or adoption.  Your child will perceive this level of being uncomfortable and may learn to be ashamed or fearful of the discussion.  In order to build a healthy relationship that is based on trust, it is important to be open with your child about their adoption.  If these discussions are open and supported from the beginning, your child will grow to learn that their adoption is celebrated, not hidden.  Your child will be proud to be adopted and will be able to honor their BirthParent's with Thanksgiving! The book I Wish for You a Beautiful Life (Yeong & Yeong Book Company; ISBN 0-9638472-3-6) is a compilation of letters from Korean BirthMother's to their relinquished children.  Each letter is very unique and provides a glimpse of the different cultures and emotions that this choice has created, related to separation and detachment that a BirthMother may experience and/or express in writing. As a Mother (whether through birth or adoption) of a child... whether your child is with you, with God, living in China or yet to be born... Bethany Christian Services and the China Team wish you a warm and loving "Happy Mother's Day."  We also keep in prayer the BirthMother's that give Life to these precious children and love them enough to want for them, what they cannot provide.  These women too, should be celebrated, honored, and given Thanksgiving.  Their struggles and choices are immeasurable and we may never know them, but we do know them in our hearts.  We pray that they are safe, loved and at Peace.   *In this Blog Post, we use the term "BirthMother" to refer to the woman who conceived and birthed the child whom was then adopted.  There are other terms such as: "First Mother" or "Biological Mother" or "Genetic Mother" to name a few.  The PC world of language and adoption is sensitive and we mean no offense to any particular term mentioned or not mentioned.

Posted by Jaclyn H. Skalnik At 02:35:38 PM Location | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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CCAA's portal has announced that dossiers have now been reviewed through June, 2007!   Congratulations to those families who have passed this milestone!

We have matched several children from the portal over the past few weeks to their "forever families".   We continue to need families for boys.  Please contact your social worker if you can accept a little boy into your family!



Did you know that the United States is one of only a few countries that formally recognizes and celebrates "Father's Day" as a holiday?  The common Chinese word for Father or Dad is: "Baba."

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to Dad's and Dad's to be!!!



The origin of "Father's Day" varies slightly but ultimately the purpose was to honor Fathers or Father-figures.  Some say it started with a woman in Washington state who wanted to honor her widowed father who raised her and her five other siblings since her mother died in childbirth.  Another story comes from West Virginia during a dedicated church service.  Like many traditions, we may never know... but this Sunday, we will honor, celebrate, and acknowledge men who are Fathers or Father-figures to children and adults.  Thanks to Dad's everywhere!

Oftentimes in the world of adoption, it is the Mother that prepares the paperwork, researches and educates on the subject of parenthood and adoptive parenting, nests the home, and develops a bond to the idea of an adopted child.  The maternal link of bonding and attachment pretenses this idea.  We do know, however, that there are many Fathers in the adoption world that are very much involved in the adoption process.  Step back from your adoption process and do your best to be sure that both parents are equally involved in the process.

When it comes to Birth-Parents, our focus is typically on the Birth-Mother.  What about the Birth-Father?  What is his role?  How do we talk to our children about him?  What are the cultural implications of his contribution?  Why is it that some adoptees don't think about their Birth-Father, but rather their Birth-Mother?  

As adoptive families, we should be careful not to create a huge separation between the Birth-Mother and the Birth-Father.  We honor Birth-Mothers but too often forget about Birth-Fathers.  They too, contributed to the LIFE of this precious child.  Regardless of the circumstances around the conception or birth of these children, we must find a way to talk about Birth-Fathers.  This concept plays an important role in the child's perception of gender equalities, future relationships and the child's relationship with their Adoptive Father.  Please remember, what we say about our children's Birth-Parents ultimately is what we are saying about them.  

Tip:  Check with your employers to be sure that Adoptive Fathers are equally eligible for Adoption Leave, Paternal Leave, or FMLA.  It is just as important for Baba's to have ample time to bond to their new child as it is for Mama's!

Posted by Jaclyn H. Skalnik At 12:38:05 PM Location | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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SN Program Update

The China Team was recently contacted by our WebForum moderator and administrator regarding a few posts that discussed our “Special Needs” program requesting our attention.  These posts have been removed due to TOS violations.  The content of the posts have caused some unnecessary concern for all families, not just those involved in the postings.  For the protection and benefit of all our families, we feel responsible to set the record straight, thus the purpose of this China Blog Post.

We were concerned to see the inaccurate information that was rampantly being passed along as rumors from one family to the next.  We are thankful that many families contacted their local social workers for the appropriate information rather than believing everything online.  The internet can be a wonderful source of information with appropriate filters.  Our WebForum hosts a great community of families for support and online friendships and camaraderie.  We would like to remind families, however, that information sharing and program updates will always come directly from Bethany’s China Blog or from your local social workers.  We are not responsible for rumors that families post onto our WebForum, nor is the WebForum monitored to separate rumors from facts.  

In respect to the special needs children that Bethany is privileged to find families for, we continue to maintain that process as a priority and passionate commitment.  The China Team has worked very hard since the early 1990’s to establish and maintain a reputable relationship with the China Center of Adoption Affairs.  We have no intent of diminishing or jeopardizing that relationship in any form of mistrust, manipulation or even by allowing destructive comments on any property (i.e. WebForum) of Bethany’s.  Please remember that CCAA has access to any public website, WebForum or discussion board.  What you say about Bethany and the CCAA is very public.

Helpful Facts:
-Bethany Christian Services is fully committed to finding families for orphaned children in China, and furthermore, children with special needs.
-Bethany Christian Services was one of the test agencies for the online entrustment system (aka CCAA Portal) and was able to contribute to the communication and process enhancement.  The faults that are being discussed on the internet (on our website and others) are due to particular agencies not following the guidelines and families perpetrating rumors, not necessarily due to the system itself.  The system was developed for special needs children to have exposure to multiple agencies in an effort to find families for them quickly, which in turn, has been very successful.
-Bethany Christian Services has access to the CCAA Portal 24/7.  The special needs portion of the portal is monitored around the clock.  The majority of the shared referrals that we lock-in are between 9:00pm EST and 3:00am EST; the peak of China’s work day.
-Bethany Christian Services has great success in both of our SN programs (shared portal and exclusive referrals).  
-Bethany Christian Services has been invited twice to attend camps in China to help assess and paper-ready children with special needs for adoptive placement.
-Bethany Christian Services plays by the rules set forth by the China Center of Adoption Affairs.  We will not compromise our China waiting families’ adoptions to get involved in the politics of inappropriately marketing, inappropriately locking-in or listing these children publically, regardless of what other agencies do or what families desire.  The violations are clearly stated for agencies to acknowledge and some agencies have been suspended from using the system.
-Bethany Christian Services finds families for children while working on behalf of the prospective adoptive family.  This is not a “business” or “game” for us to competitively lock-in referrals just for placement numbers or to recruit new families.  We lock-in referrals of children that we have families ready to adopt.  We can assure you, we are responsible and efficient when completing this task, all with great prayer.  This is a process that requires effort, time, assessment, skill and prayer.  The China Team takes this responsibility as a great burden.  It can be very disheartening to hear how our families do not trust our system and post derogatory commentary about our agency and our China Team as if we do nothing to help these children get into permanent families.  We receive the most complaints from families that remain unmatched, but the moment the family is matched, the complaints turn into praise for following “God’s Plan” and how in hindsight, the system is fair.  Most families understand that they are waiting “long” because of their limitations on what they are open to accepting.  This is your choice, your comfort level and family decision, not ours.  We support your decisions but cannot guarantee “quick matches” or even provide a promised timeline.
-CCAA sometimes adds referrals in batches and other times as individual referrals.  There’s no scheduled or predictable date or pattern.

Please keep in mind that our families have privacy rights as well.  It is not our position to announce families’ referrals, details or time frames.  Also know that not every Bethany family posts to our WebForum.  What this means is that just because you are not informed about a referral match, doesn’t mean it’s not happening.  According to the Hague Convention, families have up to two weeks to make an official determination of accepting a referral.  When there is a rumor circulating that “new referrals are on the portal” this does not necessarily mean that you will see referral announcements that next day.  What we can do is post onto our China Blog approximate numbers of referrals made and some general details (gender, age, SN, etc) when it’s appropriate to do so.  We recognize your desires to see statistics and will do when we can.

If families have specific suggestions as to how we can better communicate with waiting families (both special needs and non-identified/healthy families), we welcome your suggestions.  Please feel free to email your local social worker and they will pass the messages to us.  

Please know that we deeply care for each Bethany family in our adoption program. We pray for each of you daily.  We realize the wait times have grown exponentially since you began in the adoption program and we could not have predicted that, just as we cannot predict the future wait times for the current status of the program.  We are, however, grateful that the wait times have made it possible for thousands of children with special needs to be considered and we have witnessed them joining their forever families.  Before when the wait times were under a year from LID to referral, we did not have families “fighting” over the special needs kiddos like we do today!  We also empathize with you as you become anxious, yearning to hold your child, separating rumors that you hear about, and even celebrate with other families that grow.  We have learned that in order to be “China Adoptive Family” right now… a few things are required: patience, trust and Faith.  Without these, it’s easy to get wrapped into the rumors, the negatives and the darkness.  We wish for you to stay hopeful and prayerful and if you remain committed to adopting a child in China, it is only a matter of time… God’s Time.

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Traditional/Non-identified special needs/Healthy China Adoption Program Update


We just received 8 referrals for Bethany families with March 9 and March 14 2006 LID’s (CCAA's last referral matching included March 8, 2006 LID's).  Congratulations to these families who will "meet their child on paper" tomorrow!!!  These families have waited for 37-38 months.  CCAA has confirmed the review of dossiers through April 30, 2007 (no change).  Our next March LID's are March 24, 06 and March 28, 06.  We are also awaiting expedited referrals (Chinese heritage) for families with LID’s through April 30, 2007.  Despite the rumors, H1N1 has not affected the shipping of referrals, but rather the delay was due to CCAA being closed the first week in May for the International Holiday.  We also continue to receive other packages from CCAA containing LOA’s and Travel Invitations for our families.  Despite the rumors, international shipping has not ceased.

We currently have families in China completing their adoptions.  We also have another travel group (SN) confirmed to depart in mid-June for: Beijing, Hunan, Jiangxi Shandong, Chongqing and Sichuan Provinces.  

Bethany Christian Services currently has approximately 500 dossiers LID at the CCAA with LID’s between March 2006 and the present.  The majority of the dossiers are LID between March 2006 and April 30, 2007, when the new guidelines went into effect.  Since then, the number of dossiers submitted has declined significantly.  Although no one can predict the future wait times, this “bottle-neck” effect will likely to continue until we get through dossiers LID in April 2007.  In the meanwhile, CCAA continues to process accordingly.  We can report:
1. We continue to see families withdraw their dossiers, minimizing dossier LID group sizes.
2. We also continue to see families accept SN referrals, minimizing dossier LID group sizes.

LID groups continue to shrink in size.  Agencies around the world report similar findings.

-I-600 families should continue to maintain and renew their USCIS approvals for the full extent of the 72 months allowed.  Families can file once, extend with the free renewal, file a second I-600A and then file the second renewal.  All of this must occur without the expiration of the approval notice.  This entire approval process allows for the adoption up to 72 months.  
-I-800 families are required additional paperwork between referral and travel and we’ve noticed that travel can take a little longer due to this processing.

We empathize with families in this adoption program.  When you first began the process, the wait time for a referral was approximately 12 months long.  Now, three years later… you continue to wait, prayerfully and faithfully.  Growing your families through adoption is certainly a leap of faith and we recognize that families have to update paperwork, pay additional fees, work their lives around unknown timeframes and mostly, yearn for the child they’ve been dreaming about.  Please know that we pray for your hearts during this adoption journey and appreciate your commitment to the orphaned children in China.

China SN Program Update and Statistics

These numbers are approximate and can change daily.  The numbers change when new families submit their paperwork to join the program, when families are matched with a referral or when families withdraw from the program.

As of this afternoon, there are 69 families (two-parent and single applicants) in the SN program.  

30 have a LID in 2006
23 have a LID in 2007
8 have a LID in 2008
8 have a LID in 2009

Of the 69 families, 56 families are hoping for a female referral under the age of four with minor/correctible special needs (boxes checked within the first column of the COP Form).  The other 13 families are open to male referrals, female referrals over the age of four years old, or female referrals with more moderate/severe special needs (second or third columns of the COP Form).

To date, we’ve matched approximately 100 referrals via the CCAA portal.  The referrals have ranged from 8 months old to 14 years old, boys and girls, but the majority of the referrals are under three years old with minor/correctible special needs.  We have families that have been in the program since it’s inception in August 08, we have families that have turned down referrals (sometimes multiple), we have families that have “lost” referrals (the child has become unadoptable or new information was more severe than initially anticipated) and we have families who are matched within hours or days of submitting their paperwork.  

When the SN referrals are presented on the CCAA portal, some require a family to have a dossier LID while others do not.  Bethany Christian Services and the CCAA require a family to have an approved home study to match a referral to a family, while The Hague Convention requires USCIS (I-171H or I-797) approval prior to officially accept a referral matching.  When there is a referral that can be matched to multiple families, The China Team takes great care in prayerfully determining which family is appropriate.  We review the personal letters that families compose, we review the home study and dossier carefully, we consult with your social worker, previous experience with the particular special need, and we review your local medical resources, to name a few subjective factors.  Beyond these subjective factors, we also must take into consideration objective factors such as your LID, how long you’ve been in the SN program, and if you’ve been considered for previous referrals.  Oftentimes, but not always, a family with a dossier through the review room may have a faster paperwork process at CCAA.  Other times, the child’s Province or orphanage may influence the expediency of the CCAA paperwork process and timing.  It is difficult to predict time frames for SN adoption as they can vary from case to case.  We’ve also noticed that I-800 Hague families take a little longer for travel clearance with a few extra paperwork processing steps involved.  

We will do our best to utilize this China Blog to provide updated information and communication like this on a regular basis.

The China Team wishes you a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day holiday weekend.

Posted by Jaclyn H. Skalnik At 12:00:00 AM Location | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)